Episode 20 | What are you afraid of?

This week people around the world are celebrating Halloween, the Day of the Dead, Samhain or All Saints Day. For some of us the thought of reaching out to the dead is a scary idea.  Maybe that somehow influenced us to post an episode on fear this week!

This episode is full of great tools to help you think about fear. Let's face it, we all experience fear.  

WHAT SCARES YOU? 

We are afraid of scary movies, millipedes, sharks, snakes and more. In our career we face fears that made us feel like imposters. And becoming podcasters was a big step outside our comfort zones!

If you’re feeling fear it means you’re out of your comfort zone. You don't feel in control. But if you want to grow and learn you need to get out of your comfort zone. This week we encourage you to take some time to be with your fear and understand what is happening.

The key to being able to face your fear is learning to be courageous. It takes COURAGE to transform. To grow to a new level of self-fulfillment requires you to be something different than who you currently are being – this takes risk. And risk means venturing into the unknown and that is where fear kicks in. That is why courage is so important. People who are courageous face their fears in order to have breakthroughs in their lives – whatever that breakthrough is.

Most people resist stepping out of their comfort zone.

When you leave your comfort zone you step into the challenge zone. In the challenge zone you will experience FEAR and negative emotions like helplessness, powerlessness, unworthiness, guilt, shame, hopelessness, loneliness, non-acceptance, anger, frustration or inadequacy - to name a few. When you experience these emotions for any length of time, you become discouraged and desire to go back to your comfort zone where it is safe, secure and comfortable. It is familiar. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? You set a new goal, begin to step out of your comfort zone, have some success, and push further into the challenge zone to get to your ultimate goal and then you begin to experience discouragement and frustration causing you to question your confidence. Doubt sets in and then you give up and go back to your comfort zone.

Remember your journey through the challenge zone requires courage and commitment. Learn how to become aware of the feelings that need to be integrated and not suppressed. Accept these feelings so through courage and self-awareness you can turn fear back into confidence and push yourself to new levels of experiences and accomplishments. Learn to Face your FEAR

How do you know when you’re scared? What are the signs?

Loss of control, negative energy, I have no choice, I cannot affect change, I am a verb (Victim, Entitlement, Rescue me, Blame)

Listen for:

Excuses
Defensiveness
Blame
Complain
Procrastination
Criticism
Non-Accountable Language
Negative Attitude
Justification
Avoidance
Perfectionism

Look for:

Poor results
Deadlines are being missed
Dis-engaged
Closed body language
Late for appointments
Flight or Fight behaviors

So, what can we do?

We can’t be free of all fears. They will come and they will go. A strategy to move through fear:

F = Focus on What You Want
E = Embrace Reality
A = Align
R = Relationships and Rejoice/Reward

Use a Reframing Mindset!

Reflection
Focus on What you Want
When people become scared they normally focus on what they want or what they don’t want. If you desire to move forward it is not productive to focus on what you don’t want. To move forward you need to be disciplined at focusing on what you want.

Reality 
Acknowledge your fear, tell the truth about it, and be real. When we feel scared and are willing to admit it, it helps generate a sense of compassion for ourselves and helps us breath to begin to move forward.

Take responsibility for your fear and own it as yours, not someone else’s. Don’t blame others. Remember no-one can make us feel a certain way, we are in control. Take back your power, own the responsibility that you can change your fear.

Feel it and Express it
Allow yourself to feel your fear. You need to feel it before you can be free of it. It is uncomfortable, that’s how you know you’re fearful! Accept it as part of the process.

Write it down, tell someone about it.

Realign/Reframe
An excellent way to reframe any negative situation you are currently experiencing is to look for the opposite. To help you look for the opposite ask this empowering question:

How is this experience a blessing/gift in my life right now? What is this experience teaching me?

Instead of asking the question of what is wrong or what is the problem ask yourself another empowering question:  What is missing for me to be in action?

When you ask yourself this empowering question there is one of three things that will be missing:

1. A skill is missing
2. A conversation is missing
3. A process is missing

Visualize a more positive alternative. Think about it, speak it out loud, write it down.

How do you want to feel in this situation?
What action do you need to take to move out of the fear?


Be willing to take courageous actions, even if it is uncomfortable and you’re nervous. It is a risk. There is no reward without risk. Make a request, trying something new. Doing this is what builds confidence and helps you move through fear.

Relationships

Find an accountability partner to help you work through your fears. Or in our case a podcast partner! 

Remember if you are looking for accountability, Jo-Anne can hold your feet to the fire. 

Fear can and does stop us in life – it stops us from being ourselves, speaking our truth doing what we really want. There is nothing wrong with feeling fear. Those of us who are willing to feel it and work through it, be vulnerable and take risk, will transform our thoughts and actions to get what we really want, to grow and live a fulfilled life.